Teen Advice… From A Teen!!!
Most adopted children that I worked with a question on their minds during adolescence, which, frankly, the answer. This question creates a vacuum, especially in adolescence. And the question arises: “Why I gave up my birth mother?
Here are some stats … More than 40% of our adolescent population in the heart of Light, our troubled teen residential program will be accepted. That just shows how widespread these issues.
Adopted children often carry a lot of emotional baggage and new parents are often surprised by how their beautiful adopted child acts out when reaching adolescence. Many times the “new parents” are a reminder that the child she lost, she has and what it does not. Thus the anger builds up about why she was more than something parents do not agree or not. No matter how loving or generous foster parents just happen to comfort them to take most of their anger.
Here is a letter I received recently from the adoptive parents …
The fact that these parents have made in adopting this beautiful girl is an honorable thing. They may not be ready, that they will face in adolescence. Just because her daughter responds, as it is now, does not mean that the adoption was wrong. It is actually coming.
Anger comes from the loss or, if we do not get what we think they want. Admission Serdega daughter, because she did not get what she believes what she wanted – her real mother and father. She fantasize about a world of perfection, where everything is in order. She believes in her heart that if she had not been rejected, so that everything would be better, and she would not “emptiness” she felt.
I’ve seen this dynamic at work many, many times, and I can say that in the end, she understands, and has remorse about how much she had been treating his parents. It just does not conclude it is likely to be in her teenage years.
Meanwhile, parents still have to deal with and control his behavior. Although the behavior can be done, it is a symptom, not the main problem with the adopted child. And usually, the real problems and symptoms should be considered simultaneously.
In a nutshell, that’s what I said, taken by parents:
First Their understanding is currently making your child’s problems may help you to react differently to their actions during the next decade. Maybe it would be a good time to meet with a counselor yourself to get some direction and suggestions.
The second your child may need some external reinforcement. She could meet with someone outside the family that she can connect with and gain some perspective on her feelings, which also supports your love, care and commitment to her.
Third It sounds as if she were out of control, but it is actually able to handle her behavior. And she needs some boundaries. In one place (and it sounds like you are now), she must know that you will no longer allow this behavior, you now can see. Respect, honesty and obedience are crucial. Establishing a clear system of rules and consequences.
Fourth Be sure to reward her good behavior, and let the consequences could gain complete control over her inappropriate behavior. Make sure she knows in advance what the consequences would be too straight, then let her decide. Offer more freedom as a reward, if it behaves better and respect.
Fifth Moral issues may be more reactionary than just teen hearts, most of the time these issues will take place and the “right” itself. This is something that should be discussed with your advisor, but should not be at the center for advice. She can say or do shocking things to get back to you, or just to show everybody that she has control over their lives. So many times, teenagers will choose a lifestyle that is their choice, just to try to prove that they can manage their life outside of control.
Sixth It takes two to fight. Do not fight! Let her know that this is not something that your family and that you will not engage in children’s games, she tries to get you into. Let the consequences speak for themselves.
Seventh finally hangs there. No act of kindness goes unnoticed, even if you do not believe that she is going through this. Remember that the Bible teaches, “… you will reap the benefits from what you sow …. in time.” We are all disappointed about some “good time”. He never seems to be on our list …. and never fast enough.
If you do nothing more than give the child to try, what it means to have a normal life, so that you do a good job. If she only knows that God is one who loves it and will never give it up, then you have created the conditions for her to learn some pretty significant experience.
God has a plan more than you see … I pray that he will show you a little more about what he does. He will. And, as always, thanks for the adoption of the child. Regardless of how hard it is now, I understand that you’ve had a great positive influence on her life, and it will eventually.
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